Chapter One

In the Midst of the Battle


The clock on the receptionist's desk read: 15 October 2002, 9:55 am. In my chair, I sat thinking ...


Here I am, waiting to see another psychologist.

I'm gaining weight, again.

How embarrassing, how humiliating!

God, You know very well that I am suffering.

Why aren't You granting me my wish?

All I asked for was not to be fat.

I'm already forty. I have lost my youth.

What are You waiting...


The receptionist interrupted my inner dialogue and kindly asked me to enter. The room was small, clean and sunny. There was a desk, a chair, a filing cabinet and two armchairs positioned opposite each other and connected with a carpet runner. A pleasant looking woman in her mid forties formally greeted me whilst gesturing that I have a seat.

"Hello, Raya ..."




Chapter Seven



"Good morning Dr. Bell."

"Good morning; the other day, while I was at a gathering, you crossed my mind when the subject of diets and exercise came up."

"See?! I'm not the only one concerned about this matter."

"But people are overdoing it and it is becoming an unhealthy obsession."

"Ironically, obesity rates are escalating globally. Billions of dollars are being spent yearly on weight-loss efforts. Scientists, surgeons and life coaches are all working hand in hand to control this epidemic. I just wish that people would educate themselves before they judge overweight people," I said nervously ... 



 Chapter Ten

The Eating Disorder Specialist



... The specialist enlightened me with the term "compulsive eating", which I never had heard of it before. She told me that compulsive eaters experience some sort of unhealthy control during a food binge, but afterwards they suffer from feelings of powerlessness, self-defeat and low self-esteem. Their eating disorder serves a number of functions, such as rebelling against perfection, numbing an inner pain or expressing forbidden anger ...


 Chapter Thirteen  

A Binge Striking

... I can almost hear my heart beating through my chest while the ingredients spun ferociously in the roaring electric mixer. Aimlessly, I wandered from room to room trying hard to put the overeating urge to sleep but it was too active, too hyper and too stubborn to be turned off. I had no choice but to resort to making an oath to God ... something I often do when I feel totally powerless ...

I swear in the name of God that I will not eat the cake. 

If I do, punish me, God, any way you'd like ...




Chapter Twenty-one

New Oceans


 ... Like a pregnant woman, continuously daydreaming about her unborn child, the book completely took me over; I constantly visualized how it would look like, how I would feel when it is born and what would people think. Queries, skepticism and undermining thoughts raced through my mind ...


Shall I make it a memoir?

But who am I for people to be so interested in? I'm neither a celebrity nor a big shot!

Shall I make it a self-help book?

But I'm neither a psychologist nor a philosopher. Why would people bother to hear what I have to say?

What would distinguish my book from others?

How am I going to publish it? How am I going to promote it?

Why expose myself? ...



Chapter Twenty-four

Managing Stress


Since I strongly believe that the scientific information, techniques and tips that I accumulated about stress are so useful, I have summarized them in this chapter (which is intended to provide illumination, not professional advice). For further enlightenment, kindly check the references that are listed at the end of the book.


Life is full of pressures, which everybody must deal with at one point or another. However, when these pressures exceed people's actual (or perceived) abilities to cope, they experience stress.

Symptoms of stress have three components: physical, behavioral and psychological ...



Chapter Twenty-six

My Quest


... We know that we have caused you a lot of frustration and pain during your pursuit to fulfill your quest. We are also aware that you still harbor some hard feelings toward us, which we feel need to be wiped away to complete your recovery process. For that reason, we ... Perfection, Happiness and Slimness ...would like you to see us in another light ...






General tips regarding dieting ...

Diets are temporary, not lifestyle programs, therefore, they should not exceed six weeks in one year.


Tips for food addicts ...

Not all overweight people are food addicts and not all food addicts are overweight ..


Stress and weight ...

■ Some studies show that stress reduces the function of certain hormones in the body ...


Liposuction ...

I highly advise people whose weight fluctuates not to undergo this procedure. Regained fat, following a liposuction ...